BURNING OUT

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The title says it all. I'm burning out VERY fast.

• My mom said that she wants me dead. Very nice. Thank you, mom;
• No job;
• No chance to have any success here;
• OBS doesn't work here, thanks to Windows 10;
• I will be 18 in 2 months;
• We spend almost all money we had on food. Only 100zt left;
• All my hobbies are done now. I have absolutely nothing to do in free time instead of staring at wall;
• My smartphone dies slowly thanks to Google who makes idiotic 900mb updates, and to Huawei who hardware-blocked a root access;
• I'm sleeping 2 or 3 hours per day. During 2 weeks. I need at least 9 hours to sleep well;
• All my dreams were completely ruined in 2020;
• I'm far from home. And most likely, I will never come back.

I. AM. F#CKING. DONE. The only thing that keeps me alive is one person that I care about. I want her to be happy. I don't want her to suffer from my own death. But I don't even know her name. She's anonymous, and she's very far from me...

I wanted this website to be something fancy, something interesting... But I'm useless piece of stupid sh1t. I only know very-very basic things about HTML and I'm complete zero at CSS and JS. I talked with some interersting people few days ago. They said that even idiot could learn JS. I couldn't.

I can't draw. I can't write music. I can't make any 3D or 2D computer art. I AM NOTHING. And it makes me really upset.

Wordpress? Oh no. It's the only option for making a forum? OH NO.

I have tried to deal with communication thing. The problem is that (as you may know) I'm stupid AF and I can't use WP. I will need to learn JS, CSS and the worst: PHP.

I really want to talk to you. To people, who likes my semi-website. I'm just... Curious. I want to know why you like it.

I had a dream. My only dream was creating something that I will like and others will like. I don't like my website...